


Don't Quit Your Day Job

by Anonymous



Category: Spider-Man (Comicverse), 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: Gen, Mainly Spider-Man (Comicverse), Potential Spoilers For Both Universes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-12 02:15:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17458682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: “So… How’d it go?”There’s a deafening silence for what seems like eternity; none of the twenty students are looking up at the head of the classroom. In that moment, the Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man standing therein feels a chill up his spine — over a decade of experience noting this to be different from his supernatural sixth sense that alerts him to physical danger.“No such thing as too much preparation for the next generation…?”“That bad, huh?”“At least they were mostly respectful…mostly…”Spider-Man gives a class of aspiring heroes a lecture. It goes about as well as one might expect.





	Don't Quit Your Day Job

“...Questions?”

Nineteen arms shoot up in unison.

“Let me get this straight, ’Spider-Man’…” The student who didn’t raise their hand, a blond with a smug smirk, declares as he makes a show of rising from his desk. “You regale us with this sob story about responsibility and saving the world — a bold claim I might add when you’re not even a ranking pro — and we’re supposed to, what, revel in our anonymity?”

The friendly neighborhood superhero squints at the teenager. “Nate Monoma, right? That’s very disrespectful to your classmates, who have raised their hands and are awaiting their turns patie—”

‘Nate’ double-takes halfway in, then balks loudly. “My name...is _Neito!_ ”

_The price of language software..._  “Still, I have to ask you to sit—”

Before either can continue, one of the students — having slowly walked around the back of the classroom — steps behind ‘Nate’ and chops him in the neck. His body goes limp and slumps into his seat, while the girl patiently walks back to her desk in the back-left corner. “Sorry about him.”

“Um, thank you, Kendō-san.” At a loss, the masked hero simply bows his head. “You had your hand up, so please go ahead.”

“Right. In the future it would be best if you didn’t wait for class on the ceiling — there’s at least one pervert in school who can wall-climb with their Quirk, and it wouldn’t do if you were to be...confused for someone like that.” The teenage girls glare a hole into him, making the point clear.

He raises his hands in a placating gesture. “A-Ah yes, I’ll keep that in mind.” _What’s a Quirk…?_ “Well, since you all have something to say, let's start with...Awase-san?”

A teen wearing a blue-and-white headband at the front-left corner lowers his hand. “What _is_ your Quirk, Sensei? You cling to anything, shoot multiple polymers, have a sixth sense for danger, heal faster and are physically augmented in every way — none of which really seems to fit one physical ability — and you're not young enough for the Quirk Singularity...”

_Oh, Quirks are superpowers, then?_  “No need for formality. I can’t exactly explain all the minutia myself, but the general connection is still pretty straight-forward: I can do whatever a spider can, because I am the _Spider_ -Man.”

_~ **Silence** ~_

_Tough crowd._ “Regardless, not knowing how it works is kind of an advantage; Villains have figured out one aspect or another, and while it makes a fight or two harder it just amounts to them doing the work for me at the end of the day.”

A fellow black-haired student behind Awase speaks up. “Setting aside how _un_ -spider-like your Quirk is: how do you know how strong you are? Shouldn’t knowing what your limits are be vital to your wellbeing in combat?”

“That is true, Kaibara-san; the school’s motto is _Plus Ultra_ after all,” Spider-Man nods along with his words, “But rediscovering your limits every now and then can work better than having a known barrier to claw your way over. That aside, a lot of mind-readers can’t predict what you don’t know; certainly pulled me out of a few pinches. Moving on t—” He sighed as he saw most of the hands still up. “You can put your hands down; we’re going by seat order. Kamakiri-san?”

“You seem to run into a lot of troublesome Villains outside of work,” the mandible-horned teen growled, tilting their head to the side in confusion and flicking their green mohawk along with it. “Wouldn’t it make your life easier to cut them all down and not be so forgiving?”

The spandex-clad hero flinched back. _C-Cut them down…?_ “I-I’m not even sure where to begin there… Most bad guys are the same as you or me to start, and given better fortunes many could find their way back. Being a su- a _hero_ doesn’t make someone judge, jury, and executioner. Moreover, leaving a _trail_ of enemies is only going to garner the worst kind of attention.”

“You…”

He meets the narrow gaze of the pitch-black kid with silver hair sitting in front of Kendō. “Yes, Kuroiro-san?”

“You speak of anonymity in the face of villainy, but you take on more responsibility than is reasonable like a martyr.” His locks fall into his face as his voice speaks softly, but no less resonant throughout the room. “You’ve seen someone die in front of you, or ended someone’s life…haven’t you?”

Memories flash before his eyes unbidden, easily recalled as if they’d happened yesterday. In that moment he’s not a superhero or a wiz-kid philanthropist: just young Peter Parker making foolish mistakes that always hurt everyone but him. _Uncle Ben… Gwen… Charlemagne…!_

He doesn't know how long he stood silent, but pinching the bridge of his nose he takes a deep breath and answers. “No hero can save everyone. What matters is that we don’t give up and never forget those whom move on before us. So…yes.” He clutches the desk before him like a lifeline as the stillness of the room seems to soften. “Right, sorry. Koda—are you alright, Kodai-san?”

The short-haired girl is shaking in their seat, and yet displays no change in expression. Even her voice remains steady and monotone as she begins talking. “For someone so experienced and worldly, you wield empathy and care with ease and hold onto powerful burdens. Even your mask manages to reflect your internal state… How do you manage emotions so easily?”

_Wise…? Me?_ “Kid, I struggle to think of interpersonal relationships that didn’t go south one way or another—!” Spider-Man quips on reflex before he reigns himself in with a faux cough. “That is to say, it’s most certainly _not_ easy. There were times where I did everything right, but I couldn’t connect with the other person properly. All you can really do is keep trying to embody your best self, be up-front and honest, and find things to bond over. I’m a huge fan of comedy myself, for example.” _Even if the quality can be questionable at times._

She doesn’t outwardly change, but the look in her eyes is resolute. “Thank you.”

The girl with a brown bob cut obscuring her eyes speaks up. “You ment _shroom_ ed the ‘Web of Life’. Is that some kind of Destroying Angel…?”

_Eh…?_

Behind her, another girl with very long green hair stands from her desk. “I hath a similar question. Thou speak of this Web like a man of science speaks of God, yet with subtle reverence; thy tale would imply it to be a physical matter of the world. However, Komori-san should be more sensitive — referring to something of life as a destructive force even in jest is a bit much.”

“Uh, thank you? No harm done, Shiozaki-san.” _Next time Parker? Less personal anecdotes;_ especially _when you can’t fully explain them._ “Sometimes when powers are very similar, a rare connection can form. For myself, the Spider Sense connects me to other ‘Web Warriors’, if you will—” He receives some odd looks for the air quotes. “—which bond us and bring us together in times of crisis. That’s the best way to describe the ‘Web of Life’, I think?”

“I am thankful for thy consideration,” she replies as she brings her hands over her heart and bows.

The next student pushes up his glasses — a motion that clashes with his hairy appearance. “I understand a bit more since you have a tight group of allies, but don’t you still have to go all out to defeat some Villains or rescue civilians?”

Spider-Man slumped a little. _Another power question…? Should have been more vague._  “I certainly hold back _less_ when no one is in danger of permanent injury, Shishida-san. Power output regulation is a lot easier when you have Spider-Fu — er, a martial art that’s attuned to my enhanced capacity, but some techniques simply aren’t safe for use against others.”

“How…” In the back row, a short ice-haired kid looks up to meet his elder’s gaze. “How do you bounce back so well from all that? You’ve been through so much and had so many harrowing experiences. How do you keep going?”

“Breaks, for one thing. Like a piece of that Kit-Kat Bar?”

_~ **Silence** ~_

The spandex superhero scratched his head. “Sorry; do they not have those here? I haven’t had time to check… But that’s another one: a sense of humor does wonders for shrugging things off when you need to focus on the job, and can throw Villains off their game as a bonus. Sometimes it’s as simple as having a place to go and clear your head, or a meal you love that doesn’t also upset your stomach. Whatever works. Nex—?”

“You’re from America, right?” A loud clop at the front brings him to a blond with horns and hooves, standing excitedly. “I don't recognize you; whereabout?”

The friendly neighborhood hero brightens up at the comfortable subject matter. “Queens; been protecting NYC all my life.  _Nate_ there was technically correct about my ranking, though. And you, Miss Tsunotori?”

“Providence, Rhode Island; hearing stories of Vigilantes and early Heroes always inspired me. What about you?”

_I could say Johnny, but it's bad enough there's so many questions. Besides…_ “Cliché as it is, my aunt and uncle are who I owe everything to.”

As she bows with gratitude, the three students behind her all stand up along with the boy in the back-right corner. Looking between each other, the lone female steps past the other two and speaks. “Fundamentally, we disagree with the thesis of your speech.”

“Oh.” Spider-Man feels himself fractionally lean back. “Well, will Tsuburaba-san, Tetsutetsu-san, or Rin-san be speaking? Or are they confident that you represent their interests? Either way, I’d insist they’d sit until their turn comes.”

Tsubaraba — the front-most of them with short brown hair — and Rin in the back acquiesce and sit down. Tetsutetsu’s teeth grate audibly like a high-speed grinder on steel, rough hair shaking with them, but the green-haired girl places a hand on his shoulder and he finally sits. She meets the gaze of the hero at the head of the class; he nods. “Go ahead, Tokage-san.”

“As much as it might afford advantages in both hero work and in daily life, telling us to accept and embrace being underwhelming or overlooked is simply untenable for us, let alone pushing your own circumstance and personal bias upon us.” The spandex-bound adult flinches; whether or not anyone noticed, the critique continues. “We should market ourselves and rise in the ranks as Pros in order to make greater strides and help more people, not hide in obscurity and accomplish nothing. Let alone—”

“Now now,” the student in the front-right corner interjects, lipless teeth clacking with each word. “Pros like Eraserhead still become quite well-known for their work, regardless of ranking or popularity. Spider-sensei is simply trying to help us think more flexibly on the subject.”

Internally, Peter sighs at the beige-haired student's words.  _Spider-sensei is worse than just sensei..._

“Of course you’d think that way, Honenuki,” Tsuburaba snorts.

Tokage looks around the class, making sweeping gestures. “Him aside, don't you feel the same way, everyone? That’s why you asked deviating questions and avoided the subject of his actual speech…!”

The students look between each other, some even rising. A large yellow figure with seven holes for eyes stammers as they begin to tear up behind Honenuki, voice rising above the rumblings. “Th-Tha-That’s not…!”

“No one has to answer that, Bondo-san,” Spider-Man interjects with a serious demeanor the class had yet to see, and instinctively the unruly amongst them sit down. “Whether you take my experiences to heart or not is up to you. In the end it is up to you to find your own path to travel towards your goals. I’m just here to broaden your horizons and help you along.”

_~ **Silence** ~_

This time it's a welcome respite. “Anything else?”

The only back-row student yet to speak raises their hand, words appearing upon his 'face' in tandem. “Do you believe it's possible to have anonymity, even if one's Quirk is bombastic?”

The friendly neighborhood hero offers a thumbs up, looking the part once again. “Believe it, Fukidashi-san.”

* * *

“You could’ve _mentioned_ they had a complex about being under-appreciated.”

“…I honestly thought you were joking about the subject matter...”

Spider-Man lets his partially unmasked face fall into his bare palms, where they stay as he responds. “I may quip about a great many things, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t also true.” Getting a laugh, he rises again to look at the amused man next to him in a hospital bed. “You’ve got a spectacular class, Blood King.”

“Means a lot from you,” Vlad replies, the humor falling away as he leaned back to look at the ceiling, “considering everything you told Principal Nezdu about: universes, gods, magic, aliens, monsters…  _He_ still hardly believes it.”

“Some things still boggle  _my_  brain,” he retorts. “Thanks again for helping against Morlun.”

The Pro forms a fanged grin. “Just doing my job as a Hero, protecting kids with bright futures.”  

“Don’t go ruffling my hair, now!” the Avenger exclaims, bolting upright with his hands outstretched defensively as he moves toward his things. “You’re still bedridden until Recovery Girl says you're clear, right? Enjoy the time off!” He moves to don the rest of his costume and tech, but as he does a folded paper slides out of them onto Vlad's lap. "Hmm?"

Opening it, Vlad grins before turning it about for Spider-Man to see. Encircled by class signatures, the center lines clearly came last for clarity.

> Thanks for your speaking to us today, and sorry some of us overreacted; you changed more minds than you might think.
> 
> The only job to be ashamed of is a job poorly done. Even so? Don't quit your day job, Spider-Man.
> 
> When you're not saving universes, come by again and share some stories.
> 
> —Yanagi Reiko, Class 1-B

“Huh...!”

**Author's Note:**

> So this idea came to me for the Alliance Zine which I didn't get into and foolishly didn't apply as a pinch hitter for. Being the short one that didn't require an epic-length, I'd been meaning to put it onto 'paper' ever since. And with some time on my hands before the PokéHero Big Bang, this is one of three things I sat down mid-December and finally wrote out while challenging myself not to expand too far beyond.
> 
> For reference: the seat numbers of 1-B were determined from the methodology of 1-A's. Theirs are ordered by gojūron (the equivalent of alphabetical order), so I followed the same pattern for 1-B — someone on the HeroAca wiki had basically ordered 1-B as such, but I didn't realize it until I compared it to mine. C'X
> 
> Also 'destroying angel' is an informal name for a group of mushrooms. *The More You Know~*
> 
> Been awhile since I've tried getting into the head of the ol' webhead — hope I did him justice!


End file.
